Drew  
Hometown Las Vegas, Nevada
Place of Residence Las Vegas, Nevada
Occupation Electrical technician and part-time author

Nikki
Hometown Las Vegas, Nevada
Place of Residence Las Vegas, Nevada
Occupation Erotic artist

Drew and Nikki have been married 12.5 years and live in Las Vegas with their 12 year old daughter.  They have a deep, caring, familial relationship together.
Drew loves Nikki and he also loves his girlfriend and has a number of emotional/sexual relationships with other women that he would consider love.  Nikki has one newer relationship that is passionate and fiery.  Their daughter is aware that her parents date other people. 

Nikki:  Four years into our relationship things were really, really, really, really bad. There were a number of indiscretions on my part. Most of this is online on my website and stuff.  Basically, I was having affairs or I was breaking our wedding vows.  Some other things happened as well. As a result of narrowing communication, it was like – when we found out we were pregnant, he put on his good dad and husband hat, and I put on my good wife and mother hat, and away we went. We didn’t really have the tools to communicate or even recognize that that was what we were doing. So here we found ourselves four years in, and strangled emotionally, communication wise, financially, in many ways. Many problems. Things came to a head, and we decided to get divorced.   As we were discussing the terms of our divorce, which went kind of along the lines of well, this is how we will co-parent, and this is how we will do the finances.  And this is how we will cohabitate, because we weren’t yelling and screaming at each other. Then he was like, “Well, we can still have sex, right?“  

We decided – because my thing was like, well, if we’re going to do all of this, and co-habitat and co-parent and this and that, and we’re even going to do all the crazy sexual things, then why don’t we stay married and redefine our marriage?
 

Drew:  I say a lot of this has to do with upbringing as well, because I was brought up understanding that you become an adult, you get married, you have kids, and you stay faithful to each other... unless you have a divorce.  That was my upbringing so that was the way I was accepting my role. When I found out she[Nikki] was having indiscretions, I realised if I stayed in the relationship, I can still have her as a wife and maybe I could meet other people and have sex with other women. So, we stayed together and my idea was, if she is opening her horizons I will go ahead and get away from the role I was raised in and follow my desire.

 

That was very enriching and positive. We began to create a balance from it. The interesting thing, from my perspective, is because of the honesty that we brought to it, and the fact that yeah, maybe I want to have sex with other people too, and then I began to have sex with other people. Then I found people I could relate to on different levels, sexual or nonsexual. I became a lot more open to the other aspects of our relationship and our personalities. Where before there was a clash, now there was an openness. I’m willing to learn, are you willing to hear my side? Back and forth. I think it actually helped us work together as partners as a result.

Nikki:  People are going to break up their marriage over someone sticking their finger in someone else’s body when that wasn’t agreed upon in advance? That’s silly to me.

Drew:  Also, we are open and upfront when she(our daughter) has questions, and who our relationships are with, and if she wants to know at what level, it can be something like,

“Well, I met somebody. I’m going on a date tonight. Who do you want to babysit?
That kind of thing.  
We don’t give her specifics or details necessarily, but we make certain, as with any parents, we are honest with her, we give her consistency, and she is secure and safe. She is also very, very knowledgeable about the health and, I would say that she has a very healthy outlook on intimacy and sexuality for her age, and we don’t push it past that. Basically, she asks a question, we have responsible answers.

Drew:  I was talking to my girlfriend about the fact that my daughter had a dialogue with the tooth fairy that involved questions and answers. I had been constructing answers from the tooth fairy, and my girlfriend said, “You know, I remember when I found out there wasn’t a tooth fairy, I was really hurt because I felt that my parents had been lying to me."  So because of talking to my girlfriend, I explained to my daughter that the tooth fairy was me. In a way that she says, “Oh I understand, you are the tooth fairy!" 

Right after that, I said "well, she knows the tooth fairy has been me, let's tell her about the dating we do"            

We wanted her to take it into her mind initially with any kind of shame around it. I figured it well her first, we can educate her, inform her, and safeguard her against other people’s opinions.

Nikki:  One of my really important things is, whoever I date has to fit in with my family.  Period. Really fit in. Now I do have desire for a female person, but that’s going to be really tough because not only do they have to fit with me, they have to fit with my boyfriend, and my husband, and my daughter.

Drew and Nikki in their cabin at camp.

Sharing a hug.

Drew at a summer workshop

Nikki takes care of computer work

Their toy spread on the bed.

Drew makes the bed

© Erika Kapin Photography

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