© Erika Kapin Photography

Antoinette Patterson  
Hometown Philadelphia, PA
Place of Residence Chester, PA
Occupation Physical Therapist 

Kevin Patterson
Hometown Bloomfield, NJ
Place of Residence Chester, PA
Occupation Educator

Kevin and Antoinette are married and live together with their two young daughters.  They both identify as polyamorous.  Antoinette has one romantic partner and that is Kevin.  She has a couple of casual partners that she has kink play with.  Kevin has romantic and sexual relationships with Antoinette and with his two girlfriends.  In addition, he has a number of long distance partners with whom he is casually sexual and casually romantic.  

Kevin, Antoinette and Chrissy

Antoinette and Kevin together at their home in Chester

Antoinette:  We’re at this point where we have two young daughters where our family of choice is like coalescing really nice.  Our family of choice is why we are even able to be here right now, because two of my metamours are tag-teaming to take care of our kids while we’re away.

Antoinette, Kevin and Intimacy

Antoinette:  For me, the jealousy really more recently reared its head with coming to terms with actually having metamours that wanted to be involved with our kids. We’ve been poly for a long time, so we were poly before we had kids. Then, once kids came into the picture, most of the people that both of us had been dating were kind of like, “Oh, you’ve got kids, that’s nice. Hi and bye,” with no desire to be more involved in their lives. Until more recently when his girlfriend was like, “No, I want to be a part of the family.” That was one of those where I’m like, “Wait, what?” And I was actually more jealous of her relationship with my kids than I was with her relationship with my husband [laughing]. That was a lot of unpacking that had to be done there.

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Kevin:  I’m a black guy. It very often plays out that I am one of very few people of color at an event, at a mixer, at poly cocktails, happy hour, whatever the poly event is, it’s very real that I will be the only or one of very few people of color at this thing. I’m always worried about being othered. I’m always worried about being fetishized.

Kevin and Keira walk in the snow

Kevin with his partner Intimacy

Kevin with his partner Intimacy

Antoinette suspends a play partner in her basement

Antoinette and a rope partner at a conference

Antoinette: Right now, I only have one romantic partner, Kevin. I am also kinky, and so I have a couple of casual partners that I engage in kink activities with. We’re more friends that happen to do kinky stuff together on occasion. I also, right now, have a really good relationship with most of my metamours.  I feel like I’m in a very fortunate place right now. I’d like to have another romantic partner but I feel like our poly is really smooth right now.

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Keira and Kevin out to breakfast

Kevin:  The idea that I have a wife that I love, and two girlfriends that I love, it doesn’t phase her [my daughter] at all. All she knows is there are more responsible adults that care about her and will get her snacks upon request.

Antoinette:  Our youngest, she’ll sit and she’ll list out, she’s just happy as a clam, because she’s like “I’m daddy’s Black Cat, I’m mommy’s Pumpkin, and I’m Kay’s Baby Bird.” She runs down her list because in her mind, these are all the people that love me and all the people who take care of me, and give me reason to try to weasel out of going to bed at night, because that’s universal. She’s like, “Oh, Kay’s here, can she read me a story? Oh, Hali’s here, wait, can we get a snack?” It’s like, “No, you still have to go to bed on time.”  At this point, we have all of this support and all these great people in our kids’ lives, so we’re really fortunate.

Kevin and Rebecca

Kevin, Rebecca, Antoinette and Cira

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